finding my way back to you 🌙
on looking back, long way, indeed
i've been thinking about layers lately, about how we're all like picasso's the blue room - paintings with hidden depths, earlier versions of ourselves tucked beneath the surface. sometimes i catch glimpses of who i used to be, like shadows dancing behind translucent paper.
you know that feeling when a random song plays and suddenly your lips are moving, muscle memory taking over? it's funny how we carry these invisible archives within us. your voice still echoes in my decisions, a gentle whisper from the past that somehow never fades ✨
there's this beautiful italian word, pentimento, that describes the ghostly traces of earlier paintings beneath the final image. like memories that refuse to be painted over, showing through despite our best efforts to start fresh. we're all walking museums of our past selves, aren't we? carrying forward every triumph, every tender bruise, every moment of grace.
it's a delicate dance, really. we need to embrace the new, throw ourselves into unknown waters with open hearts. yet we're forever tethered to what came before - all those careful lessons written in invisible ink on our souls. the mistakes we made, the people we hurt, the times we learned to forgive ourselves... they're all there, like whispers beneath fresh paint 🎨
sometimes i wonder if true intimacy is just learning to read each other's hidden layers. it's harder than it sounds - i find myself asking endless questions about others while keeping my own depths carefully guarded. the right words feel like butterflies, always just out of reach.
but here's the thing about time - it has its own kind of magic. meanings shift like sand beneath our feet. i used to clutch so tightly to what i thought was permanent, but now... now i understand the gentle art of letting go. pentimento comes from 'to repent,' to change one's mind. maybe that's what growth is - allowing new blooms to push through the soil of memory.
we contain multitudes - preservation and transformation dancing together in endless cycles. every version of us matters, even the ones that only show through in certain lights, at certain angles. like ancient paintings slowly revealing their secrets, we're always in the process of becoming 🌱
— ganesha🤍
(with gratitude to archu, whose beautiful mind planted these seeds of thought in our shared thinking space three years ago. some conversations truly do echo endlessly...)